Monday, 1 October 2012

Bard Who: Why The Doctor isn't a Mage.

Maybe it's too much Skyrim and Dark Souls playtime as of late, maybe I'm experiencing a general merging of video games and my own reality induced by watching too much Heavy Rain footage. Whatever the case may be, I'm starting to assign traditional RPG classes to real people and non-gaming related characters. It's a bit like when I assigned groups of real people to videogame genres but the opposite way around. But I can tell you that taking your favorite celebrities and fictional characters (even just your mates) and trying to accurately map their personality traits and skills to a traditional character archetype can be a lot of fun.

Sooooooo much FUN!!!!

For example, take The Doctor, the world's favorite companion losing Time Lord - seriously after watching 'The Angels Take Manhattan' the other night I think that only Ethan Mars from Heavy Rain is a worse guardian but I digress. He's been fighting Daleks, Cybermen and... whatever the hell a Slitheen is meant to be for years on end with his trusty TARDIS, companions (when they aren't being repeatedly killed and being Rory) without so much as clonking anyone across the face with a sledgehammer, unlike my Fallout 3 character, Frunchubble Taynor Keiths. That rules the Doctor out of the entire Warrior class for starters.

Although he could be a Tank with all these regenerations

So that leaves Mage and Rogue (I'm using traditonal D&D classes here) so one would might think that the Doctor is shoo-in for a Chronomage (or Time Mage) but those one's would be WRONG. As an individual, the Doctor is completely inept at time travel. It's the TARDIS that does all the heavy lifting in that regard. The Doctor still needs to be able have the skillset to use said magical time box of fun but you take the Doc too far away from his TARDIS and he's completely screwed with regards to all of that. For evidence of this please refer to almost every episode of Doctor Who, where this becomes a plot point almost as often as Rory being swallowed whole by a whale.

Here we go again!

One could argue that this is just an extended version of the 'Voldemort gone dun and dropped his wand' effect but it doesn't take a special gift of magic to operate the TARDIS, you just need to know your way around some complex ideas. The Doctor is more like the Gray Fox master thief from Oblivion, in the sense that he knows his way around the ways of the arcane arts but is merely a very well informed Muggle enthusiast. What really seals the Doctor in the Rogue sphere of RPG classes is that almost everything he owns or treasures is stolen. TARDIS? Nicked from Gallifrey. Companions? Kidnapped from various locations (in Rory's case it's technically grave robbing) Torchwood? Doctor who slash-fic websites. He even has a master key in the form of a Sonic Screwdriver. How more Dick Dastardly can one Time Lord  be?

He's even got Muttley covered!

The Doctor is more specifically a Bard (a sub-type of the Rogue class) due to the fact that his winning strategy more often than not is to rouse rabbles and make the most of the ragtag groups of people he ends up running into. Let's just take the most recent run of Doctor Who on its own. When he's not mending broken relationships to save lives or boosting morale as the marshal of a desolate Wild West town, he's got a Queen of Egypt, the Ponds, some... hunter guy (all kidnapped by the way) and a recently tamed triceratops (R.I.P Tricey) working double time as a team to take control of space ark which culminates in the Doctor orchestrating a father and son piloting masterclass.   'Never travel alone' is advice he always receives from those who know him best because they all know that a Bard is useless if he hasn't got anyone with him to target with buffs. With that conclusion out of the way I can now indulge in the Doctor Who theme tune.

Du-de-dum-dum-du-de-dum-dum-du-du-de-dum-dum-dum-dum-du-de-dum-dum-du-du-de-dum- WOOOOOO-EEEEEEE-OOOOOO....  

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